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srsly_smrt
17 July 2012 @ 02:15 am
I was supposed to finally write that email to that vet today but I haven't and I can't because every time I open the tab with my email client I just get scared and anxious and no no no no and just ABORT MISSION and go to one of the safer tabs for another three hours.
 
 
srsly_smrt
24 June 2012 @ 11:49 am
It's becoming more and more obvious to me that the sort-of love I feel for my parents is completely unrequited.

Yet I keep hoping, like the fool I am, that maybe this time, maybe just this once, they'll listen to me, they'll care about me, what I have to say, how I feel.

And I really don't want to hear that 'all parents really love their children' crap. I really don't.
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srsly_smrt
13 June 2012 @ 07:54 pm
Well then.

After getting home from work today I had a few moments of peace before my mom brings my attention to the fact that my beloved little pony is seriously and urgently ill.

What a lovely afternoon that was.

The vet was super nice though, and the pony's stabilized now. It all comes down to how he's feeling tomorrow morning.
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srsly_smrt
09 June 2012 @ 12:40 am
My mind is filled to the brim and then some of Chibi and 'Mato and anal experimentation. Fingering and stuff.

Chibi's just so tsundere and acts all haughty, but is actually incredibly nervous and insecure about it even though it's his idea and he really wants to try and he really wants to try with Mato and it's fucking obvious really.

And then he's so tiny and tense and writhes in Mato's lap and he's never felt so helpless during sex before and it's amazing.

/rambling

...

I won't be getting this imagery out of my head anytime tonight, will I?
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srsly_smrt
08 June 2012 @ 03:24 pm
I thought me wanting to change my name was either just a whim, wanting to have a 'cooler' name than the one I've been born and raised into, or just another expression of my wish to be anyone/anything other than myself.

But these past few weeks, I've found myself increasingly unhappy with writing out my current name. Even though the difference is just one letter tacked onto the end. I pause and want to keep it the way I want it, before making myself put the pen to the paper again.

I've been thinking about this for... well, it'll be a year's time in a few months. And now I'm feeling unhappy about being associated with my birthname. At the very least, I don't think this qualifies as a 'whim' anymore.
 
 
 
srsly_smrt
03 June 2012 @ 06:59 pm
A few minutes ago I woke up from my nap via a relatively scary dream involving a horse.

I am still feeling that horse's hoof on my leg.

Hm.
 
 
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srsly_smrt
02 June 2012 @ 07:07 pm
Well that timing sure was lucky.

Had my dad called for me a half a minute earlier I'd have been... very awkwardly interrupted.

I suppose this should not go unnamed through this post.
 
 
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srsly_smrt
23 May 2012 @ 10:32 pm

Oh yeah, I picked up Suzaku today.

In my opinion he looks a lot better than his prototype pictures suggested, which was a pleasant surprise. (o( Now I can safely put him next to Lelouch and they’ll actually look compatible. It’s a waste that their bases don’t match though… Seriously MegaHouse? You marketed Suzaku to be bought for the sole purpose of having him with Lelouch. Ugh…

…oh, and now I’m running out of shelf space. Again.

 
 
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srsly_smrt
23 May 2012 @ 10:26 pm
I know I came up with a great dialogue scene between Chibs and Cec, regarding Chibs' feelings for 'Mato, when they're maybe 21 and 20 respectively.

But I've completely forgotten what they said that was so great. ;_;
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srsly_smrt
21 May 2012 @ 02:16 pm
So yeah, appointment with the resident doctor was today.

She was very nice and attentive and asked good questions and listened to what I had to say. Or maybe I'm just biased to any nice lady who'll actually listen to me at this point. I ended up "filling" two whole pages of her little notepad, aha.

At one point she wanted me to to fill out a short questionnaire-thing regarding my symptoms. Basically it listed symptoms and I had to tick a box ranging from "never" to "every day" for how often I experienced them. That was very... sobering. Over half of the symptoms ended up in the every day column, the others varied. It made me think "Shit I'm not actually supposed to feel this way am I?" for a bit because those symptoms were pretty severely formulated.

So then, conclusions. She referred me to the clinic's councilor, got a blood sample to eliminate the possibility of any hormonal imbalances or such, and made an appointment for me to come back and talk to her again in a month. Meanwhile she asked me to take walks in the daylight and slowly (she was very firm on not rushing this) adjust back to a healthy sleeping pattern. I really appreciated that, because I'm reading into it that she knows how easy it is to fail when you try too hard, and subsequently how the depression only gets worse because you get on your own case over failing.

ILU Doc.
 
 
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