I know I came up with a great dialogue scene between Chibs and Cec, regarding Chibs' feelings for 'Mato, when they're maybe 21 and 20 respectively.

But I've completely forgotten what they said that was so great. ;_;

So yeah, appointment with the resident doctor was today.

She was very nice and attentive and asked good questions and listened to what I had to say. Or maybe I'm just biased to any nice lady who'll actually listen to me at this point. I ended up "filling" two whole pages of her little notepad, aha.

At one point she wanted me to to fill out a short questionnaire-thing regarding my symptoms. Basically it listed symptoms and I had to tick a box ranging from "never" to "every day" for how often I experienced them. That was very... sobering. Over half of the symptoms ended up in the every day column, the others varied. It made me think "Shit I'm not actually supposed to feel this way am I?" for a bit because those symptoms were pretty severely formulated.

So then, conclusions. She referred me to the clinic's councilor, got a blood sample to eliminate the possibility of any hormonal imbalances or such, and made an appointment for me to come back and talk to her again in a month. Meanwhile she asked me to take walks in the daylight and slowly (she was very firm on not rushing this) adjust back to a healthy sleeping pattern. I really appreciated that, because I'm reading into it that she knows how easy it is to fail when you try too hard, and subsequently how the depression only gets worse because you get on your own case over failing.

ILU Doc.

It's the first 20°C day of the year and I'm sweating already.

I've got an appointment for an assessment, Monday at 10:00.

Now all that's missing is that they deem me healthy because I'm no a continuously sobbing wreck, ahaha.

Sorry, just had to get some negativity out. Now that it's out I can focus on the positive aspects of this (because there are truckloads of them, really) and also eat my tasty lunch.

So the health guidelines say that if the symptoms have continued past two weeks it's a depression and you should turn to a doctor as soon as possible to get help.

HAHAHAHA. HA.

I can't do much more than laugh bitterly. Hiya doc, here I am, oh yeah my depression? FOR MONTHS.

God damn it all, I could've gotten help with this so much earlier.

It's still hard to call it a depression because of the Swedish norms regarding mental health and the fact that no-one educated in the subject has told me as much.

I mean anyone can look at a list of symptoms and say "That's me." but that doesn't make it a diagnosis.

Fuck it I need help. I'll call the clinic tomorrow.

EIGHTEEN BODACIOUS DEGREES

I can't love Aibou enough for actually calling me out on my bullshit when I need it, and usually before it gets out of hand.

Thank you, best friend<3